Argh. Thanks a lot the Guardian newspaper for ruining my life.
Since I was 7/8 years old, I have wanted to be a lawyer, and study law at Oxford University. Last year, when the A* at A Level was introduced Oxford were sticking to their guns about not accepting it, because it gave an 'unfair advantage to private school students'. Well, thanks very much you bastards. Just like Nick Clegg, you have gone back on your word, and you have begun ruining my dreams. I don't think that I'll be able to get A*AA; whilst AAA was achievable, with much difficulty. They also expect extra-curricular activities of you - so this means being on the Student Union, doing the Debating Society, I also do Clay Pigeon Shooting; and am thinking about starting rugby again. Fuck my life. I'll just break down before I apply. Which reminds me, I have to apply in fucking september, and then do my fucking LNAT test, which you can't really revise for. I'm fucked.
If I wasn't such a perfectionist... Well, I'm not actually. You don't get accepted into the Bar, unless you have at least a 2:1, and they much prefer a 1st at university.
You don't get anything good in this fucking country unless you're perfect. So, this is what I must be - perfect. In every way, shape and form. PERFECT.
By the way, no binges starting tomorrow, no purging either. I need more fags, so I'm going to go for a walk in a bit, burn off some calories. But, I don't want to go out looking like a pig... ah well, it's dark. It'll do me good. Might go for a run tomorrow. That would be nice. Hope it's not too cold. Ew, what if my leg fat shakes. I'll wear baggy tracky's. Fat bitch.
These are such ramblings, but I just need to complain. Everyone keeps telling me I can do it...but my fucking head is about to explode...especially with my need to lose weight. It's a complete head-fuck.
I don't understand a lot of this, but I'm sorry that Oxford is being like Nick Clegg.
ReplyDelete...Whoever that is? -I feel very clueless right now-. :P
I know it sucks, but being a perfectionist can pay off sometimes.
...Or else just fuck the system, being perfect is so over-rated.
Feel better. :3
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That sounds so stressful for you. I can't imagine all those worries running through my head - especially on top of what you already have to stress about.
ReplyDeleteKeep calm my dear, you will make it through :)
You certainly have a lot on your plate. You live in England, right? In the USA, it's not that hard. School where you come from sounds way more confusing and difficult than the US. Just stay with it. You want it, so work for it. It's just like losing weight. You work for what you want no matter the cost. Although I really shouldn't say that for weight because we should all be careful with that but yea. Stay on track. I want to say you can do it but I don't want to make your head explode. ;)
ReplyDeleteStay strong dear.
Aaw :[ that's horrible. I hope things work out for you eventually.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with not binging and purging... :] And I hope you enjoy the walk. xx