Today has been honestly awful. For many reasons:
1. Last night, I woke up to hear my parents arguing really loudly. I heard my dad saying things like, "if you don't love me, then let's end it." But, this morning, I woke to find that they had slept in the same bed. So, they may have resolved it.
Turns out that my mum was watching Dancing on Ice on my dad's computer, and he hates it when she doesn't sit with him on an eveing (this is because it is the only time that they spend together), so he threw his (brand new) laptop out the back door. It's smashed to pieces.
Also, my dad had drunk quite a lot. It worries me that he is turning into a violent drunk like this. It could get worse, if you get what I mean.
2. I had a weekend binge, and then a serious laxative and water detox yesterday (I'm doing it until Friday - if I can), but I weigh 56kg again. I'm not joking, but I ate so much that I'm not suprised. On Saturday night, I calculated my calorie intake, and it was 3000 almost. How disgusting. Seriously...it's fucked up.
3. My sister is skinny. I'm not. It's like a competition, which I really don't like.
4. I'm not skinny.
5. I'm fat.
6. I found out that to become a Barrister (well, to be entered into the bar) I have to get a 1st at Uni. That;s the best fucking grade. They rarely take anyone with a 2:1 (which is the next one down for those who don't know).
So, pressure is ON!
I also found out that the best University's for law in Britain (i.e. the ones who will charge the most on the NEW FUCKING UNCAPPED TUITION FUCKING FEES) are asking for all A's at A Level - that is what I have been predicted, but getting it is another question.
PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.
7. I saw my friend's boyfriend kissing this other girl at college (my friend left a while ago, so she won't know about this) and it isn't the first time he has cheated on her there. We had to tell her the last time, and she was very upset. I will have to tell her again, and I hate seeing her face when these things happen. She shouldn't be with him. He's a dick, and she doesn't deserve that.
To add to ALL of this, there's this really good looking lad at college, who I see like every Monday at the train station, but I'm too scared to speak to him. I think I might ask him if I can borrow a lighter or something. Maybe I won't, actually, might be too embarrassed to speak to a fat fuck like me.
Sorry again, about this long post. I always have so much to say. I hope everyone is ok :) xx
That does sound pretty rough. Don't stress it though.
ReplyDelete1. You can't control your dad's actions. Just try to stear clear of him when he's drunk.
2. It's okay that you had a binge. Everyone slips up. You may have gained but you can lose it again.
3. Don't worry about your sister. Worry about you.
4./5. 56kg is not fat. It may seem like a lot but it's really not.
6. You can make it if you put forth the effort. Don't give up before you even try. You want it, work for it. You can do it! =)
7. Your friend's boyfriend does sound like a dick. Break it to her easy. I hope she dumps the guy!
Good luck with your guy at college. Who knows, maybe he's been wanting to talk to you. Best way to find out is to talk to him. Go for it!