Wednesday, 5 January 2011

I wish I could stop thinking about him.

So, yesterday, I binged. Like, seriously binged. Then, I purged. There was no-one at home, so I purged until I was puking bile. But, there was something left, I just felt like there was something left. I went full on into it, so much so that I have this bruise on my hand from it. I've never been that full on before.

And, today, I have binged, but have not been able to purge. So I feel bloated. My estimation is about 1000 calories. I neeeeed to purge. I feel dirty.

I keep crying, and binging...and it's all his fault. Well, it's my fault, for being so disgusting that he doesn't want me anymore.

Seriously, this stops now. If I post tomorrow saying that I have eaten, or generally consumed ANY calories (apart from in Diet Coke or Diet Lemonade or whatever), then give me scurrilous abuse. I'm being serious.

I need to be thin. If I'm not thin, he will never want me back. I want him so badly. I miss him. I smell him. I didn't realise how much I had fallen for him, but everything reminds me of him.
Someone was driving today, and I could smell the oil from their car, and it smelt just like his car did when he was trying to fix it in his garage. And, when I hear someone revving their car, I think it is him. But it's not, because he is in London with some pretty and skinny girl. Not me.

I just keep crying over him. And eating over him. But no. It stops tonight. Yes, fatty, enjoy food whilst you can, because you're getting thin. And, you're going to be binge free for the next year.

I'm so sorry about my emotions, but I need somewhere to write it. And, thank you for the comments by the way, I really appreciate them. x

1 comment:

  1. hang in there, you can do it :) you'll get to your goal weight as soon as you get on track, we all have our tough days