Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Here goes.

So, I took some pictures of myself today...I will post them. I look so fat.

I confess that I have eaten quite a lot today, but also purged a lot too. Yes, I know, I'm not supposed to, but it doesn't feel right if I don't.

I have eaten:  1 after eight, 100g curry (approx), 50g brown rice (approx) and 1/3 mince pie...but purged all. Not fully, I know I didn't fully, but as much as I could without getting caught. People keep on walking up and down the stairs, and it makes me nervous. So nervous. So, exercise, exercise, exercise tomorrow. I'm walking to town, which is 1.1 miles. Then, I'll walk back, and I'll do as much walking up and down the town as possible, to burn the calories.

Then, the day after, I think that I will walk to the train station (1.3 miles) and perhaps go to Worcester for a while, and do some more walking, and then walk home from the train station (1.3 miles). And, when I return eat very, very little, as little as I can get away with.

I used to hide my dinner, but I can't do that anymore. Since my ED got discovered last time, I'm still being watched like a hawk all the time.

Here's my pictures.

Ok, so ater looking at those I feel like absolute shit. There's barely any bone sticking out, and my stomach is all bloated.

Seriously hate feeling like this. I need to do something about it to be honest. No wonder my boyfriend probably has anohter girl in London!! It wouldn't surprise me... I'm disgusting.

I need to be 40kg...I am currently 53kg. I keep yo-yoing all the time. I need to stop being so stupid, and whilst I'm at it lose some fucking weight. I'm disgusting.

I wish I was my sister. She's 45kg, and she never stops eating shit, and she's naturally clever, and my parents like her more (I'm pretty sure, she's never caused them any trouble or anything).
Me, I have to restrict my calorie intake below 100 a day, to lose 4 stone, and I have to revise constantly to get anywhere, and I cause my parents tons of trouble. I'm a disease.

Anyway, I'm going to scream into a pillow now. FML.


  1. your hips are so much more defined than mine are! jealousss
    ah i have a friend like that, she eats so much and doesnt seem to put on any weight -_- Good luck with the revision! i have a retake in january so i feel your painxx

  2. Babe, your bones have amazing definition! I wish you could see it how we see it.
    And yeah, those girls that can eat what ever they want and not gain are so lucky!

  3. Beautiful bones. I wish mine were as clear as yours.