Saturday, 17 September 2011

I'm depressed.

I'm back at college, and work already seems more difficult. In Law this year, we are only doing Criminal Law. Last year, my teacher said that we would be doing one paper on Criminal Law and the other on Tort, but NO! We're doing two papers on Criminal, which is much fucking harder than Tort. So that really sucks.

The Police have spoken to the person, and he has made me out to sound like a child, who is only pressing charges because people told me to (which is half true, because I just wanted to forget it ever happened). So FUCK THE POLICE - I'm taking action through the Civil courts (I know Solicitors from my Work Experience, so hopefully they will help me out).

I broke down in tears in front of my friend the other day (I thought that I had seen one of the boys who did it). I just couldn't control myself. He just hugged me really tightly, and told me that everything was going to be ok, because he was there for me.

Nothing is ok.

Everything is bad.

I'm scared of everyone. I'm scared of everything.

I used to love being in situations that were dangerous, it made me feel alive. Now, I can't walk out of my house without feeling like I am going to be attacked again.

The Police won't do anything. The main boy who did it has a Father who knows people. I found this out the other day. They have connections with the Police in their line of business.

I can't really eat, which is a good thing. I just feel NOT hungry. I feel sad, and alone, and scared, and angry and depressed. I can't do my work. I can't concentrate. I want to leave, get away, and never come back. Never have to think that I'm seeing their faces anywhere. But I will see them. Everyone I see looks something like them.

England is shit, one looks at the legal system, and thinks "yeah, it's really good, in theory one can always get justice". Then, when you're involved with the Police, you then realise that it's not ok, and justice will never be received. It goes against everything I've ever thought and believed about the English legal system.. and to think I want to be a Lawyer! This country disgusts me. It really does. It's so corrupt.


  1. Oh Hun. It's going to be okay. I don't much about law in England but I know the process here in the US is a long one. But you're doing the right Ning is pressing charges. You're preventing this happening agian to another person. And it's going to be hard to be comfortable doing a lot of things. These type of things take a long time to get over. And no one ever becomes 100% over it. I hope things improve. And oh I know thing that helps me when I get flash backs of being attacked is counting ten things a I see that make me happy. It sounds cheesy but it works for me.

  2. It will be okay, the law sucks everywhere, even here in the U.S.
    You're doing the right thing, though. Even if you can't get very far with the police, at least you tried.
    Have you thought about or are you talking to anybody in real life? I think it would help, but so will time.
    It's okay to be scared, but things will definitely get better. :)

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