Monday, 21 February 2011


Firstly I'm on my phone, so apologies for strange spelling mistakes!!

Secondly, I feel like shit.
I miss my ex more than anything I could ever think of. I need him back in my life. I saw his car the other day. He stopped speaking to me after he felt how fat I was. I need to lose 10kg. Urgently.

My dad keeps making digs: he called me 'fat arse'. He used to call me skinny, now he just calls my sister skinny - it hurts.

My friend and I were stood un a full length mirror together - she weighs 70kg - I didn't look much thinner than her at all. I couldn't look for long, I felt sick. I don't mean that in s horrible or botchy way, I just couldn't bare my reflection.

I had afull length picture with my mum and sister yesterday, my mum weighs about 65kg-70kg, she fucking looked thinner than me. My sister weighs about 45kg, she looked miles thinner than me. Surely because we aren't far off recuperate weights we should look similar? No. I'm gross. Out of proportion and ugly.

I want to die. I hate this. I cabt bare to look in the mirror anymore. I don't want to step foot outside if the house, certainly not with people dinner than me. Honestly, if I go out I have to find out who else is going, to make sure that I will be the thinnest one there. So u wont be going our tomorrow night, because a really skinny friend is going. I'm staying in. Looking at thins and starving. Sounds good. They're going for an Indian, which is BARE calories (bare means lots, it's some birmingham slang thing!!.
Ugh I feel shut.

I hope everyone else is ok :) love xx

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