Wednesday, 21 December 2011


I had counselling.

Not for the whole eating thing, but for the attack.

I hate saying the 'r' word.

The woman told me it wasn't my fault. I don't believe her.

She said that no-one deserves that. I did.
I put my family through so much shit, and still do. I deserved it.

She told me that I need to learn how to control my nightmares.
She's teaching me relaxation techniques.

That's all I got from an hour, to be honest. I hate it. I just want to forget it ever happened though. I want to pretend that bad things go unpunished, because they do.
They did bad things, and they went unpunished. Why can the same not happen to me? Oh yeah, because I'm awful.

On a happier note:
It's half 4 and I haven't eaten today. This is good, considering I'm at home! It's been surprisingly easy. I will have a salad for dinner, as per.
I have been drinking tea and revising all day. It's good food avoidance.

Also, my teeth are stained to fuck. This is because my dentist prescribed me a high fluoride toothpaste, which has consequently reacted with my vomit, and resulted in my teeth becoming enamel-less, see-through and tobacco stained. It looks fucking vile.
I've stopped using it now, but he knew I was a smoker, and he could probably tell that I throw up a lot - dentists know these things, don't they? The wanker did it on purpose - I swear by it!

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