I dropped the charges, and the police haven't arrested anyone, I had to tell them that I was sort of lying. This is because the main guy was texting me and calling me, trying to convince me to drop it. And I listened, like an idiot. So, once again, justice will not be done.
Also, I'm grounded - for going out of the house late at night, to somewhere I shouldn't have been going - indefinitely. So, the immense lack of movement and lack of control over food is REALLY fucking pissing me off. So, as you can imagine, I'm going a little bit crazy, and getting a LOT fat. Nice. Not.
My mum is driving me everywhere, to work, to my appointments. I just wanna be alone. I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice, by going somewhere I'm not supposed to be.
It's evil. And when I said that I was going to live with my nan, they replied with, "fine, we'll tell her everything then." And, this would probably kill my nan, her heart is weak and she couldn't do with the stress. That;s a nasty fucking trap to put me in. A very nasty trap.
I know they're trying to keep me safe, but the damage is done, I've had my punishment. I'm going to be 18 in 29 days, so they can't legally keep this up.
Stay safe x
Monday, 29 August 2011
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
In relation to my previous post..
I went to the sexual health clinic - for those not in England, they offer free sti testing and contraception. The woman advised me that what happened to me was rape, as had a friend.
Thinking over everything, he was really violent and forced me to do stuff I wasn't allowed to say no to.
I won't go in to te details.
The doctor phoned the police, and they've examined me and taken a Written statement. They said it's up to me if I press charges. But, they said I should tell my mum.
The thing is that I don't know whether to proceed with a trial or not. Can I be responsible for ruining someone's life, no matter how much they've hurt me? Would I rather just forget about it, than have a trial continue for months, going over it all again and again? Or should I do this to protect any other people they may repeat this with? How could I possibly deal with the fear of letting people see me, or touch me - I never thought I'd be scared, but the doctor asked me to take off
My robe and wanted to see my vagina, but I was too scared to let him.
To add to it all, they came intoy work on Saturday, and gave me a nasty smile. They had no reason to be there other than for me, they'd never been on before And this made me scared.
So if you have any advice that would en great.
I went to the sexual health clinic - for those not in England, they offer free sti testing and contraception. The woman advised me that what happened to me was rape, as had a friend.
Thinking over everything, he was really violent and forced me to do stuff I wasn't allowed to say no to.
I won't go in to te details.
The doctor phoned the police, and they've examined me and taken a Written statement. They said it's up to me if I press charges. But, they said I should tell my mum.
The thing is that I don't know whether to proceed with a trial or not. Can I be responsible for ruining someone's life, no matter how much they've hurt me? Would I rather just forget about it, than have a trial continue for months, going over it all again and again? Or should I do this to protect any other people they may repeat this with? How could I possibly deal with the fear of letting people see me, or touch me - I never thought I'd be scared, but the doctor asked me to take off
My robe and wanted to see my vagina, but I was too scared to let him.
To add to it all, they came intoy work on Saturday, and gave me a nasty smile. They had no reason to be there other than for me, they'd never been on before And this made me scared.
So if you have any advice that would en great.
Sunday, 21 August 2011
What is happening to me?
I've never been so scared in my life this past week.
I went to that guys house on Tuesday and his friends were there too. And I thought it would be ok, but they got me ridiculously drunk and made me go in the hot tub with them, and we were all naked.
By the time I couldn't really see r talk, I was being fucked by him and his friend. I couldn't say no to them. They never even asked me. They just did it. Later on, they were taking pictures.
I never forget anything when I'm drunk, it all comes back to me hen I've got over the hangover. And this I wish I'd have orgotten.
Anyway, next morning, the guy woke me
Up. He made me do stuff, by pulling my hair and threatening that he'd fck me up the arse so hard I'd bleed if I didn't. He was slapping menaround the face and stuff if I said no to anything. It was so horrible, and o was so far away from home that I couldn't just leave.
Anyway, I have been trying to forget.
Though, when I was working last night, they came in. They kept staring t me when I walked past. I had together everyone else to do thins for me
That involved where they were.
The even worse thing was that they were in there with my ex boyfriends fiends. How do they know them?
And what if they were showing the sTaff the pictures of me?
I was so scared to leve work, because they may have been waiting for me. I just dunno what to do. I wish I'd never have gone to his house. I was so fucking stupid.
Home
I went to that guys house on Tuesday and his friends were there too. And I thought it would be ok, but they got me ridiculously drunk and made me go in the hot tub with them, and we were all naked.
By the time I couldn't really see r talk, I was being fucked by him and his friend. I couldn't say no to them. They never even asked me. They just did it. Later on, they were taking pictures.
I never forget anything when I'm drunk, it all comes back to me hen I've got over the hangover. And this I wish I'd have orgotten.
Anyway, next morning, the guy woke me
Up. He made me do stuff, by pulling my hair and threatening that he'd fck me up the arse so hard I'd bleed if I didn't. He was slapping menaround the face and stuff if I said no to anything. It was so horrible, and o was so far away from home that I couldn't just leave.
Anyway, I have been trying to forget.
Though, when I was working last night, they came in. They kept staring t me when I walked past. I had together everyone else to do thins for me
That involved where they were.
The even worse thing was that they were in there with my ex boyfriends fiends. How do they know them?
And what if they were showing the sTaff the pictures of me?
I was so scared to leve work, because they may have been waiting for me. I just dunno what to do. I wish I'd never have gone to his house. I was so fucking stupid.
Home
Monday, 15 August 2011
Life update!
Losing inches faster than I thought.. good times!
Bought some size 6 (UK) jeans as thinspo (I think that's a US 4?)!!
I also joined a gym :) And today I have burnt 400 calories, and eaten less than 100 calories, so I'm winning - well, closer to winning than I was! And I've been doing as much walking as I can.
I don't know if I've mentioned before, but there was a good looking barman where I work who kept flirting with me, and he recently left. Anyway, I added him on Facebook, and he starting speaking to me on Chat the other day. He was getting real dirty, and said he wanted me to be his little fuck buddy, and was being serious. So he said he was going to call me when he wanted me, pretty much. I know that this sounds as though I'm being used, but in ways I am using him too. It's been 8 months since I last got laid, so it will be nice to have a bit of action... though I am feeling quite self conscious already. He made me feel quite good, though, when he said that he missed watching my "tight lil arse walking around" at work ;) And then he starting talking about how much fun we'd have if we were both locked in the restaurant overnight...
It might be a bit awkward though, because he lives with one of the chefs from work, so if we were together at his, and James just walked in, that would be quite strange!!
I'm getting super slutty... There was this other guy I was with the other day, who I know from college. He wanted to meet up, so I left my friends house and met him in town. We went to these gardens, where we just talked and kissed for a while (he kept biting my lip, and not like sexy biting, it was constant biting, I don't think he had had much experience in the whole kissing/girls area..). But, then he tried to get me to put my hands down his trousers, which I didn't like the idea of, in a public garden when there was people walking past and police walking through (due to the riots!). But now he isn't talking to me, because my friend was a bitch to him on Facebook, for some reason.
So that's the males over and done with.
I plucked up enough courage to go swimming the other day, and swam 800m, I don't know how many calories that burned, but I imagine it was quite a few. And, binges are getting much lower on the whole calorie intake front. Before, I'd binge on say 3000. Now, it doesn't go far over 1000. I feel much more in control of myself. And, there's only 1 every week and a half now :)
Me and my two closest friends have fallen out too. One of them is crazy, so I don't care much about that. Best to have her gone, I reckon. She was going to stop taking the pill, to have the others baby, without telling him. But I'm gutted about the other, he's like a brother to me. But you don't get one without the other. She went crazy at me for leaving her house the other day to meet this guy, because she was home alone, and she was scared that someone was going to come and kill her. She's such a fucking user, she only wants you there when she needs you. And the rest of the time you're useless. I sent her an essay text of how much I have done for her, and how much I've been there, and that she'd taken advantage of my friendship.. She hasn't replied, probably because it's all fucking true!! Between them, they owe me £139. So, I want it all fucking back. Every penny. I don't care if it makes them broke, I am broke because of them. I need the money back.
Anyway, I'll try and update with pictures and stuff soon, weight and whatever etc. Hope everyone is ok n ting. xoxo
Bought some size 6 (UK) jeans as thinspo (I think that's a US 4?)!!
I also joined a gym :) And today I have burnt 400 calories, and eaten less than 100 calories, so I'm winning - well, closer to winning than I was! And I've been doing as much walking as I can.
I don't know if I've mentioned before, but there was a good looking barman where I work who kept flirting with me, and he recently left. Anyway, I added him on Facebook, and he starting speaking to me on Chat the other day. He was getting real dirty, and said he wanted me to be his little fuck buddy, and was being serious. So he said he was going to call me when he wanted me, pretty much. I know that this sounds as though I'm being used, but in ways I am using him too. It's been 8 months since I last got laid, so it will be nice to have a bit of action... though I am feeling quite self conscious already. He made me feel quite good, though, when he said that he missed watching my "tight lil arse walking around" at work ;) And then he starting talking about how much fun we'd have if we were both locked in the restaurant overnight...
It might be a bit awkward though, because he lives with one of the chefs from work, so if we were together at his, and James just walked in, that would be quite strange!!
I'm getting super slutty... There was this other guy I was with the other day, who I know from college. He wanted to meet up, so I left my friends house and met him in town. We went to these gardens, where we just talked and kissed for a while (he kept biting my lip, and not like sexy biting, it was constant biting, I don't think he had had much experience in the whole kissing/girls area..). But, then he tried to get me to put my hands down his trousers, which I didn't like the idea of, in a public garden when there was people walking past and police walking through (due to the riots!). But now he isn't talking to me, because my friend was a bitch to him on Facebook, for some reason.
So that's the males over and done with.
I plucked up enough courage to go swimming the other day, and swam 800m, I don't know how many calories that burned, but I imagine it was quite a few. And, binges are getting much lower on the whole calorie intake front. Before, I'd binge on say 3000. Now, it doesn't go far over 1000. I feel much more in control of myself. And, there's only 1 every week and a half now :)
Me and my two closest friends have fallen out too. One of them is crazy, so I don't care much about that. Best to have her gone, I reckon. She was going to stop taking the pill, to have the others baby, without telling him. But I'm gutted about the other, he's like a brother to me. But you don't get one without the other. She went crazy at me for leaving her house the other day to meet this guy, because she was home alone, and she was scared that someone was going to come and kill her. She's such a fucking user, she only wants you there when she needs you. And the rest of the time you're useless. I sent her an essay text of how much I have done for her, and how much I've been there, and that she'd taken advantage of my friendship.. She hasn't replied, probably because it's all fucking true!! Between them, they owe me £139. So, I want it all fucking back. Every penny. I don't care if it makes them broke, I am broke because of them. I need the money back.
Anyway, I'll try and update with pictures and stuff soon, weight and whatever etc. Hope everyone is ok n ting. xoxo
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