I can't go. I can't can't can't go. I'm not good enough, and I'm too fat.
I don't know what I'll wear...
Last night I just cried about how fat I was. It's so stupid... But I still did it.
I just can't go out with a boy when I look like this.
It's half term now. So, I'm at home all day... No walking to college :(
I've decided, I will run every day - on the evening (on the treadmill, because going out is horrible) - and do my Yogalates of a morning. No more Zumba... my friend cannot afford it anymore, and I don't particularly want to go alone.
On a saddddd note, my friends want to go on holiday to Turkey - they have invited me. They want to drink all the time... and they want me to eat before I drink (shit).
How am I supposed to wear a bikini if I have bloated from eating too much?
I don't want to let them down though.
This is such a shit time to relapse.
I need Oxford... But, I need to be thin. Exercise?
This is going to sound stupid... But does exercise actually make you lose weight? Because I never remember losing any weight when I was fatter before.
Maybe it won't ever make me lose any weight... I have such a bad relationship with food... I either eat nothing or binge eat.
Fuck, before this 'date' tomorrow, I'll have to do a 30 minute run and some Yogalates. And then I'll have my 50 minute walk (I have to get to the train station and back). Hopefully, I'll look skinnier than usual... I said hopefully.
Oh for fuck sake... why can't food be in pill form? Then I can just not take the pill and lose weight.
Stay strong everyone... and please wish me luck with this shit.xx
I'm sure you look fine, better than fine. I'm sure you look GREAT. I know it's hard to go out places but just try to enjoy it. Just focus on the boy and having a good time. It could be lots of fun..if you give it a chance. You can do it. :)
ReplyDeleteI wish food was in a pill form too. That would be so much easier.
Good luck with the boy! and have fun!!