Friday, 8 April 2011

Date tomorrow.

I can't go. I can't can't can't go. I'm not good enough, and I'm too fat.

I don't know what I'll wear...

Last night I just cried about how fat I was. It's so stupid... But I still did it.

I just can't go out with a boy when I look like this.

It's half term now. So, I'm at home all day... No walking to college :(
I've decided, I will run every day - on the evening (on the treadmill, because going out is horrible) - and do my Yogalates of a morning. No more Zumba... my friend cannot afford it anymore, and I don't particularly want to go alone.

On a saddddd note, my friends want to go on holiday to Turkey - they have invited me. They want to drink all the time... and they want me to eat before I drink (shit).
How am I supposed to wear a bikini if I have bloated from eating too much?
I don't want to let them down though.

This is such a shit time to relapse.

I need Oxford... But, I need to be thin. Exercise?

This is going to sound stupid... But does exercise actually make you lose weight? Because I never remember losing any weight when I was fatter before.

Maybe it won't ever make me lose any weight... I have such a bad relationship with food... I either eat nothing or binge eat.

Fuck, before this 'date' tomorrow, I'll have to do a 30 minute run and some Yogalates. And then I'll have my 50 minute walk (I have to get to the train station and back). Hopefully, I'll look skinnier than usual... I said hopefully.

Oh for fuck sake... why can't food be in pill form? Then I can just not take the pill and lose weight.

Stay strong everyone... and please wish me luck with this shit.xx

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure you look fine, better than fine. I'm sure you look GREAT. I know it's hard to go out places but just try to enjoy it. Just focus on the boy and having a good time. It could be lots of fun..if you give it a chance. You can do it. :)
    I wish food was in a pill form too. That would be so much easier.
    Good luck with the boy! and have fun!!