Last night was atrocious. I drank that much that when we went to McDonald's afterwards, I ate two lots of wedges, with BBQ sauce. What a fat bitch.


Plus, no male attention all night - because I'm hideous. And, to add to it all, my friend was playing a face all night, which meant that we ended up going home at like 12.30am. I thought it was really rude of her to do so, as it was my mum giving us a lift home, and the rest of us would have loved to have stayed out much later.

So, overall, I had a shitty time. And ate loads. And am now all bloaty and disgusting. And I spent over £40 on alcohol and McDonald's. So, thats £40 less in the Uni fund.

Nice way to celebrate the  18th. Awesome. Thanks.

UGHH

So, my inches are back down to what they were before, but my clothes are still tight on me.

What the fuck.

So, I brought a new DVD - The Jordan Workout - my friend said it's hardcore. I'll give it a go. At £2.99 with free P&P, who's complaining? NOT ME!!

Anyway, it's my 18th celebration this evening. This could be fun. I'm going to the same place where that guy, the bad one, lives. This is because everyone begged me to go there. It could be an early night for me. I'm shitting myself about it. Yay.

From happy to depressed.

He turned me down, again.

He told me he wanted to see me, and I invited him out for my Birthday this weekend, and he said he couldn't make it.



But, I'm restricting a lot. So that's good news. And my new incentive, to get down to 17 inch legs, is a tattoo - since I'm 18 now!!! There's an inch and a half to go.

I'd love to know what I weight right now, but someone has lost/taken/hidden the scales -.-



Anyway, it's my Birthday thing tomorrow. I won't drink much, and I'm having a Salad for Dinner beforehand. Since I'm a light-weight, it'll take me two Vodka and Diet Cokes to get hammered!

My ex, the one I loooove (but don't tell him ;P) asked me if I wanted to go out again :) I invited him to my birthday pub crawl on Friday :)

HE MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY!

And, he text me, not the other way round... that's something?!



In other news, I had an evaluation today for an accommodation place - a nice one, that is also cheap-ish! And, I'm doing quite well at quitting smoking. I'm like not eating any more than usual! So, all is well, and I am HAPPY!


I have counselling on Friday before the Pub crawl, though. So, that might put a dampener on my day :'( Still, life goes on. And my ex has made me happier than ever! He's going to be the person who makes me forget about everything bad that has happened to me. And I love him even more for that (I realised that I loved him, before I wasn't sure, but now I know for definite!)




YAY!!

I hope that everyone's ok :) xx

Why do I binge?

I have realised, properly realised now, that the reason I have gained is because of my binges.

I am eating like under 500 calories a day, during the week. Some days, I am having under 200 calories. And, then on a Friday/Saturday I will east up to 3000 calories of crap foods. Obviously, my weekly intake before I binged was about 4200, as I was eating a solid 600 or less a day. But, then with the binge it was like, 6500 or less. It makes sense why I'm such a fatty these days.


I forgot to say what someone said to me the other day. She said, "you look a lot curvier. Not in a bad way, but at exam time you looked unhealthy". I blame my weakness to my friends encouraging me to eat.


I now have to think of an excuse for NOT going out to lunch for my birthday on Tuesday - my friend has offered to pay, because it's my birthday the day after.

Fuck my life

Nice bit of thinspo

I got ridiculously depressed last night. I binged... then I purged. I AM A FAILURE. 

I would give absolutely anything to look like these girls... I'm just too weak to get there. 

I'm moving.

I have decided to move house... I might go live with my Nan. She would only charge me £30 a week board, and I could get a job at a restaurant up the road.

This is because I was walking to college today, and I saw him. He fucking looked at me and gave me such a cocky smile, as if he was saying "there's fuck all you can do about it". He makes me feel sick. He shouldn't be walking around on the streets, a free man. He's a vile thing, he's not even human.


But, anyway, this isn't a blog about criminals, even though it appears to be getting that way!


I'd like to thank everyone for their supportive comments, I really appreciate them! Thank you so much :)




I'll be moving out soon, I reckon, but this means that my Nan will aim to 'fatten me up' - she buys loads of sweets. And, I don't think she'll buy me veggie stuff - so I'll have to buy my own food (but this means I control what I'm eating).


That's about all for today... Hope everyone is ok xx