Bad times..

Ok, so first of all...I said I would stop purging, but I binged, so inevitably...it happened!

I don't care, I've had a sh*tty two weeks...I haven't seen my boyfriend, and he's kinda stopped texting me...so this has been fun.

I don't know if I'm being insecure,  but it's hardly a good sign..

So..party on on Saturday night, when I'm going to make an attempt to get into clubs in Worcester haha!! I never went last week, due to having mock exams tomorrow, which to be honest I should be studying for right now...but I actually haven't stopped all weekend, so it's all good I hope!!

I'm really angry at myself though, because of my boyfriend!!


My CW is still 51kg, wait was it 51 last time...last time I wrote on here was too long ago to remember, sorry! It was 51 last time I checked, so basically I have stayed still...which is not good.

Also, with Christmas coming up...and my parents taking time off work...I'll be being watched. I'd go out a lot, but I'd rather not f*ck up my exams in January, as much as I want to lose weight and all, I want a career so much more than that. Also, if I get into Uni (and have to now pay £9'000 a year...thanks for that tw*ts!!), I won't have to eat like anything...in fact, I could live on blue ribbands...a blue ribband a day, 99 calories a day...I love blue ribbands!! :)

Seriously, though, I heard a good joke the other day...made me laugh a bit:
Why did Nick Clegg cross the road?
Because he promised not to ;)

Damn, he's such a traitor...if I were old enough, I would have voted LibDem as well...

But, politics is not why I'm here ;)

Anywho, I'm going to do some sit-ups now, and knock off this flabbbbbbbb!! :)x

I hate to be really annoying...

...but I text him tonight, and he still hasn't text me back. Rejected.

To be honest, after reading how annoyingly needy I am, I wouldn't wanna be with me either.

This seems to be turning into a relationship blog!! But, he is a big part of my life, and he makes me feel worse.

This isn't good...I'm so lame that I made a pro's and con's list...and there were more con's...but the pro's list was better anyway!!!

Damn.it.

Anyway, my stats haven't improved.
CW: 51kg.
GW: 40kg.

Waiting it out...

So, guess who still hasn't text me? I'm waiting it out now...like I think I said, if he doesn't text me by tomorrow, then I'll text him. Actually FML!!

Stats:
Height: 172cm
HW:72kg
LW: 50kg
CW: 51kg
BMI: 17.2

So, I'm down in weight...which is weird because I have eaten quite a lot over the weekend.
In fact, I ate that much that on Sunday night, I was sick in the night...through no force of my own...so that was good!

I don't know what to do...I think I'm just going to go clubbing.

Also, I've decided, no more purging. From now on, I'm just not eating...I hate having to purge, it's gross.

Be safe..x

What have I done???

So, I basically haven't seen my bf since LAST SUNDAY! He text me saying that he was busy all weekend, so he wouldn't be able to see me...but he went out with his friends.

I'm wondering though, because on facebook, his friends weren't out with their girlfriends either..but they've been together much longer than us. Not seeing him for this long is horrible. I'm pretty sure he's going off me. Probably because I'm so fat, seriously, his ex-gf's...I've probably said before...but they are amazingly thin. It pisses me off, so much. I'm nothing like them, or any of his friends' girlfriends. They're all so plastic, thin, pretty. I'll never be like them. None of them ever talk to me when we're out either, I really don't fit in.
This is probably the list of reasons why he is going off me.

My friends agree too, they think I should wait for him to text me, and if he doesn't then I should text him - like on Thursday - and ask him if we should do something this weekend.

I don't get what changed, it was all so sudden. Like, last sunday he seemed fine with me. I don't get it. He confuses me so much..but I really like him. And, he told me that he liked me. He obviously feels different now -.-

I think I'm going to go clubbing on Saturday...let's hope I get in...I really don't look that year older that I need to!!!

I know what I need:   confidence, self-security and skinnyyyyyy-ness.

Oh, and I need a boyfriend who likes me as much as I like him.

Maybe he's pissed off because I cancelled on him of friday - to be fair, he knew he couldn't come round here, we have builders in...

Ughhhh, I'm such a f*ck-up!

Wow...terrible day.

So, my boyfriend never asked me if I wanted to do anything this weekend, and he hasn't replied to the text I sent him over an hour ago. I'm pretty sure he takes his phone everywhere with him...maybe he is with some prettier, skinnier girl? OMG....seriously, what if he is?

I knew he was too good to be true. Seriously, is there actually any point in trying to have a decent life?

I never have anything good like him happen to me, and here it goes...

...I actually manage to ruin everything I touch.

FML

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is going off me. I'm such a stupid, fat b*tch. He just doesn't seem interested when he's texting me. He usually tells me that he can't wait to see me on the weekend by wednesday...and he hasn't tonight. He put kisses, but I'm scared now...

FML....seriously, I'm such a clingy, annoying d*ck, no wonder he doesn't like me.

Bad day...again!!

Oh my God, I just ate some pork scratchings..I don't know why. I looked at their calorie content just, and they're 680cals per 100g. What the sh*t was I thinking???

I'm certainly not as strong as I used to be.

I'm pretty sure my mom has realised that something is wrong again. There's not mom...not nearly enough yet!!

So, I text my boyfriend like half an hour ago, and I know he is home by now, but he hasn't text me back. I am actually really upset right now, for multiple reasons!


I am going shopping tomorrow, so this will be fun, as per!! In Primark too, I always find that I am a size bigger in Primark, so this could all end in tears!! Let's be honest, it will :(

I weighed myself before eating that crap, I was 52kg, so I have lost a kg, but it was before I ate, so I don't like to think it counts. And, I have only done 35mins walking today, because I got a lift home from college.

I'm really pissed off that I ate, because I'm spending soooo much money on fags and various other appetite suppressants, and I am completely ignoring them. I'm trying not to purge as well, I think I kind of deserve it though, and will have to. So, this should be fun.


And, I don't think I'll be able to see my boyfriend this weekend:
a) because he isn't texting me back
b) I'm so fat, I don't want to embarrass myself
c) it's snowing quite badly, so he might not be able to drive to me


FML...I really wish that I was skinnier.